I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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