hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
