i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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