He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
