hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
