my mouth tastes like poor choices
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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