Screwed.edu
P.S. I can't hear my feet
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
