and you said cock pushups were impossible
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Houston, we have a squirter
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
