You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
