She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Damn victory sex feels great
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