Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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