so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Rumble strips road head = magical
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
