saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
