Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
