I should be sponsored by Trojan
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
