apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
