so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
