What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
