its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
