I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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