I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
