i think my tv is drunk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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