i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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