when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
