You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
