dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You need a sexual gate keeper
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
