U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
