pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
