david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
