Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
