hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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