I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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