Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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