Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
