My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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