i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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