dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Acid is not a monday night drug
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think i got beer on your cat.
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