And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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