I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
