Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
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just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.