This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I look excited, but its just a facade.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
