I wanna bring you to show and tell
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
