Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
