dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
