Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
