I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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