remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
