I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
