Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
