I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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