you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
