i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
