God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
