She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
