Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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