I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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