We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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