Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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