its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
