i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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