Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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