Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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