your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
