I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
