thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
